["Superman main theme" plays]
[whooshes]
[wind whistling]
[wheezing]
[coughs, sustained whistle]
[wheezes]
[distant rumbling]
[rumbling grows]
-[thump] -[groans]
-Ow! Oh! -[playful growling]
[shrieks] Stop, stop, stop.
[barks, chomps]
Stop. Stop.
No, Krypto. Krypto.
-[playful growl] -Ow!
-[growls] -[coughs]
-[grunts] -[quietly] Krypto.
[wheezes] Take me home.
-[panting] -[wheezing]
[grunts]
Home.
-[panting] -[groans]
[Superman grunts]
[growls]
[barks]
Krypto.
-Home. -[sniffs]
[rumbling]
[crystals crackling]
[barks]
[energy pulses, hums]
[Four] Superman!
[woman speaking Kryptonian]
[man speaking Kryptonian]
[whispers] Thank you.
No need to thank us, sir, as we will not appreciate it.
We have no consciousness whatsoever.
Merely automatons, here to serve.
Meet Twelve. She's new.
-Hi. -[giggles] He looked at me.
[Four] I put your parents' message on to soothe you.
Thank you.
He finds it soothing.
[speaking Kryptonian]
[recording warbles]
[recording repeats]
The message was damaged in transit from Krypton to Earth.
But what is there…
[speaks Kryptonian]
[Four] "We love you more than heaven, our son."
[Jor-El speaking]
[Four] "We love you more than land."
[whispering] "We love you more than land."
[Four] "Our beloved home will soon be gone forever."
But hope vitalizes our hearts,
-and that hope is you, Kal-El." -[Superman, barely audible]
[Lara speaking Kryptonian]
[Four] "We have searched the universe for a home"
where you can do the most good
and live out Krypton's truth.
-That place is Earth." -"That place is Earth."
And the rest of the message is lost.
[Five] Fourteen fractured bones.
Damage to bladder, kidney, large intestine, lungs.
Our poor Superman.
[Four] With a healthy dose of yellow sun,
we'll have him up and at 'em in no time.
[rumbling]
[whistling]
[energy hums]
[shouts]
[shout echoes]
[Lex Luthor] Engineer, come in.
[Engineer] He landed somewhere near here.
I can't see where.
[Luthor] Well, keep looking.
[wind howling]
[humming stops]
[gasps]
[shudders] Golly.
[sighs]
Sir, you are only 83% restored to health. You must rest.
No can do, Four. I gotta get back to the fray.
[Four] But this Hammer fellow just beat you at full power.
Sir?
[rocks, crystals clatter]
What is this?
[servos whirring]
Krypto!
[thuds, panting]
What the hey, dude? I-I thought...
You destroyed the whole...
Superman robots, I thought I told you to keep an eye on him.
We feed the canine, but he is unruly.
And he realizes we are not flesh and blood
and couldn't, in our heart of hearts, care less whether he lives or dies.
Stop, Krypto, leave it.
Ow. Ow! Stop. Ow. Stop it.
Krypto! Ow! Ow! Stop it. Stop.
Sit. Sit. Stay.
[sighs, exhales]
[Krypto whines]
[sighs]
[whooshes]
[sonic boom echoes]
The alien is on its way back.
-[cape whipping] -[wind whooshing]
["Superman main theme" plays]
Your Superman has abandoned you!
The people of Boravia will not ignore him inserting himself into our affairs.
[laser warbling]
-[Hammer shouts, indistinct] -[man 1] Accelerate the portals.
Primed and ready.
T-Minus ten and counting.
[man 1] Buckle up, we're going live.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…
Bravo, what do you have on employees?
I'm inside Chocos, Larry. No fatalities.
…five, four…
-Can't win 'em all. -[woman 1] …three, two, one.
-Target in sight. -[rumbling]
-He's back. Your 5:00. -Copy.
12C.
18A.
34B.
98Z.
8H.
[boom]
74D.
[grunts]
44T!
[shouts]
[shutter clicking]
[people shriek]
-Reggie, can you watch? -Yeah, yeah.
-[sirens wailing] -[horn honks]
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
It's like he knows Superman's every move before he makes it.
He does. He's been studying him for years.
He's developed over 2,500 fight moves for any situation.
-[sirens in distance] -Superman!
[Larry] Bravo, you got him?
Malik Ali, a local.
[woman 2] Lex, we have the Engineer.
[Engineer] The target has led us to the ice castle.
The rumors are true.
I don't know how in the hell this thing hasn't been spotted.
[panting]
Mierda.
Comms, two to one.
Hijo de…
Lex, the entire structure has descended into the ice.
We have what we need. Return to base.
[Engineer] I can drill into it, Lex.
Your pride won't be making our choices today, Angela.
Thank you.
We'll need more than you when we enter.
Comms, one to two.
We've done what we need to do. Wrap it up.
The United States will continue to feel the wrath of the Hammer of Boravia.
It's me, Mali.
Once I gave you free falafel,
when you saved a woman from being hit by a taxi.
Are you all right, Superman?
Mali, you gotta get outta here. It's not safe.
You saved us so many times. Now it's our turn.
[Hammer] This is your last warning.
-[boom] -[people] Oh!
[groans]
Maybe you shouldn't have done that thing in Jarhanpur, Superman.
[panting]
[groans]
-Flawless, people. -[laughing]
Way to bring it home!
[laughing, cheering]
[hooting, squealing]
[no audible dialogue]
[hard rock music]
[whirring]
[electrical pulse]
[man 1] Decelerate all portals.
-Ultraman's back. -Ultraman!
[brightly] Ultraman! You did so good.
[woman laughs] Yes!
[chatter and laughter]
Sorry about that. I'm so sorry.
Sorry.
-Morning, Nino. -Good morning, Clark.
[man on tv] Do these unelected met a humans
think they can dictate international policy?
It's outrageous.
[Perry] It's a big story. Put it above the fold.
That's where we put it.
-You're late again, Kent. -Sorry, Perry.
-Hey, loser. -Hey, Steve.
Hey, what do you got against adverbs, Kent?
How are we supposed to know how we feel when we read this malarkey?
In sports writing, you learn the sentence is the modifier.
-Hey, Ma. -"Ma!"
-Hey, Clark! -[Pa chuckles]
Uh, me and Pa just wanted to call
and say congratulations on that front page.
Boy, that is something!
Hey, ask Ma if she barbecued up any good roadkill lately.
-Shut up, Steve. -Like, uh, possum or chitlins…
-What's that, Clark? -[Clark] Sorry, Ma,
I'm just in the middle of a big news day here.
What are chitlins?
Chitlins are intestines.
[Steve] Thanks, Cat. You read this crud?
I thought it was great, Clark.
"Great"?
[chuckling] Yeah! Front page! Big time!
Well, we don't want to keep you, but, uh,
wanted to say congrats,
and tell you we're thinking 'bout you, Clark.
-It's been a minute. -Tell him don't be a stranger.
Pa says, "Don't be a stranger."
I, uh… Yeah, I heard him, Ma.
Yeah, okay I gotta go. I gotta run.
Yep, okay. Love you.
So, this guy just flew into midtown and started attacking people,
demanding for Superman to show up?
Yeah. It's all there in my article.
Then I'd actually have to make it through your writing, Clark.
Knowledge is worth many sacrifices.
That isn't one of them.
[Clark] Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Lois.
-Oh, my God. -He's so fine.
Twenty-two people in the hospital, over 20 million in property damage.
-It does make you wonder. -Wonder what?
As great as he is, maybe Superman didn't completely think through
the ramifications of the Boravia thing.
If this guy is even from Boravia.
[Jimmy] What do you mean? His name is "the Hammer of Boravia."
Yeah, I doubt his parents named him that, Jimmy.
We have no clue what his actual goal was here.
I think it's pretty obvious the goal was kicking Superman's ass.
Uh, he did... He didn't completely kick Superman's ass.
[Jimmy] Pretty thoroughly, Clark.
Show me! You show me what ties there are
between Boravia and this "Hammer!"
Yeah, see, Superman did say he thought the, uh, Hammer
might be faking a Boravian accent.
Superman said that?
Yeah, I interviewed him right afterwards. Great guy.
You know, it's funny that you keep getting all these interviews with Superman, Clark.
I don't think there's anything funny about good journalism, Lois.
Uh-huh.
[Ghurkos] The relationship between Boravia and United States
has been like iron for 30 years,
until Superman came along.
[Luthor] What you're looking at, my friends,
is the most powerful being on Planet Earth:
Ultraman.
You created this man?
Ooh. Check this out. The Engineer.
A former special operative, whose blood I infused
with microscopic machines called "nanites,"
which she can form into anything she can imagine.
And, of course, you're familiar with my flying armored forces, the Raptors.
All together, they're an unstoppable force we call PlanetWatch.
More than capable of containing any otherworldly threat.
[snaps fingers]
So you want the Defense Department
to hire your met a humans to take down the Kryptonian?
After Superman acted with violence against our Boravian allies,
I think it'd be worth considering.
Big Blue stopped a war.
Naive, maybe, but well-intentioned.
Well, I don't know the intentions of an unattended firehose, General Flag.
I just do what I can not to be splashed.
-Mr. Luthor… -The disarming Director Crawley.
[sighs] The country of Boravia has purchased
over 80 billion dollars' worth of arms
from LuthorCorp in the past two years.
-And? -And no one would profit more
from a war with Boravia and Jarhanpur than you.
A cynic might say that having Superman out of the way
might not be bad for business.
Well, what's particularly bad for business is dying.
And I have a distinct feeling that's where we're all headed
with the Kryptonian running wild.
So we're gonna lock up all met a humans now?
Look, other met a humans aren't going off half-cocked,
interfering in foreign affairs.
They don't have... And I have proof of this...
a hidden headquarters in Antarctica
that violates 12 international treaties.
And they aren't aliens.
Shouldn't all that be more than enough reason
for PlanetWatch to at least bring the Kryptonian in for questioning?
Admittedly, I'm not comfortable
with a being from another planet as dangerous as him on the loose.
But the optics? Superman is popular.
Less so every day, according to chatter online.
Not to mention the potential risk of failing to contain him.
I assure you, Secretary, we can contain him.
Yeah, they got this stuff, uh…
What's this Kryptonite stuff called?
-It's called Kryptonite. -Well, it kills him, right?
As far as we can ascertain, there's none left on the planet.
I have a workaround for that as well.
You know what? It doesn't matter, Lex.
Because without solid proof of malicious intent,
it's just not worth the risk.
[clicks]
[lock clicks]
[pots clatter]
[clattering continues]
[suspenseful music]
What are you doing here?
Three months ago, we had our first date.
And so, to celebrate, I am making you your favorite:
breakfast for dinner.
That's your favorite.
You love breakfast.
Yeah, for breakfast. You love it for dinner.
[chuckles lightly]
-[chuckling] What? -It was very funny today.
-What? -It was hilarious,
the little back-and-forth we had going.
Mm.
You giving me guff for my article.
Jimmy was eating it up. [loud kisses]
I wasn't acting, Clark. If you keep interviewing yourself,
eventually people are gonna figure it out.
But the glasses.
Yeah, they won't fool everyone forever.
And ethically, these interviews are hugely problematic.
I mean, y-you literally know the questions in advance.
Okay, so I'll let you interview me.
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like that.
Come on, Lois. I'm media savvy.
I can handle any question that comes my way.
Are you being serious right now?
Yeah.
You'd let me interview you as Superman?
Sure.
How about now?
Um…
[beeps]
[Lois] Ready?
Let's do it, Cronkite.
Superman.
Miss Lane.
Recently, you've come under
a lot of fire for what some might...
I don't know if it's a lot of fire, but...
It's a lot.
Today the Secretary of Defense
said he was gonna look into your actions in Boravia.
-[exhales] -That... That's funny?
It's not "funny" funny, it's just, um…
I mean, come on. My actions? I stopped a war.
-Maybe. -Uh, not "maybe." I did.
Okay. How?
Well, Boravia invaded Jarhanpur,
and I showed up and told them that wasn't right.
And?
And… smashed some tanks and things
and a couple of planes and some other stuff.
There were no casualties and no significant injuries.
Did you interact at all
with the President of Boravia, Vasil Ghurkos?
A very small amount.
What's a very small amount?
That was between us.
[beeps]
This is all on the record.
Yeah, but that conversation was between the two of us.
Yeah, and I would ask that question
whether or not I knew the answer to it.
-Really? -Really.
[beeps]
After I stopped the war,
I went to see Ghurkos.
Where?
In the capital of Luchebic, at the Royal Palace.
And?
And I took a private audience with Ghurkos.
How?
I flew him out to the desert, and I…
And you…
And I placed him against a cactus.
A cactus?
So… torture?
No. Not torture.
Its spikes were like… not even that big.
What did you say?
I told him that if he ever messes with Jarhanpur again,
he'll have to personally answer to me.
What did you mean by that?
That if such events occurred,
we would have a more serious discussion, that's all.
More serious than tearing up his back on a cactus?
Ghurkos was gonna kill people.
You seem to keep forgetting that...
So, in effect, you illegally entered a country,
inserting yourself in the middle
-of an incredibly heated… -No, no, no. Hold on.
-Geopolitical situation… -Hold on a second.
…siding with a nation, Jarhanpur,
which historically has not been
-a friend to the US… -Jarhanpur has changed.
…against a nation that's technically our ally,
and then threatened to murder their head of state.
First of all, whether or not Jarhanpur is an imperfect country
does not give another nation the right to invade it.
Yes, but the Boravian government maintains
they're freeing the Jarhanpurians
from a tyrannical regime.
Yes, but you know that's very silly.
I do?
The Boravian government, of all people, is saying this?
Come on!
This is on the record, Superman.
Now... No. Now, see…
Now you're being dishonest, Lois.
How am I being dishonest?
-What are you...? Stop. -Where's the button?
You're being dishonest because you know as well as I do
that the Boravian government is not well-intentioned.
I think that's almost certainly the case, but do I know that?
No, I don't.
Can we go on now?
Yeah, fine.
-I don't... You do it. -I…
You think this is going well?
Do I think this is going well? Um…
I think I'm doing a good job.
[beeps]
Superman, did you consult with the President
before entering Boravian airspace?
[sighs]
-No. -The Secretary of Defense?
-No. -Or any US official
before you took matters into your own hands
and decided unilaterally how to handle
this extremely delicate situation?
Ghurkos and his goons were going to kill people.
Yes, but the results
of you seemingly acting as a representative
of the United States will cause…
I wasn't representing anybody…
…more problems around the world.
…except for me, and-and…
-More than a war that lasted… -…myself and, and, and…
…between 12 and 24 hours…
…good, I don't know, doing good.
…and was just replacing
one tyrannical regime with another?
Is that really how you feel?
I'm not the one being interviewed, Superman, but…
I question it.
Yeah, I would question myself in the same situation
and hold off a beat and consider the consequences.
People were going to die!
[exhales]
Okay, I'd like to change the subject, if I could.
Okay.
You've gotten a lot of heat on social media lately.
I don't read that stuff.
Superman doesn't have time for selfies.
-Third person? -Hmm?
You're referring to yourself in the third person now?
No, it was just a thing I came up with
that I thought I'd try to work into the next interview.
This is on the record, Superman.
Okay, well, not the part where I said that.
-Yes, that part. -No, that part was an aside.
That was off the record.
You have to say "off the record" beforehand, not after.
Why are you being like this?
Fine, I-I won't write
that you spend your spare time trying to think up soundbites.
Which are terrible, by the way.
-Social media. -Yes.
As you may know, or maybe you don't,
since you claim not to read any of that stuff...
Very seldomly.
Maybe sometimes people catch you reading it
and looking very upset.
Okay, well, you can't use that.
People on social media are suspicious because you are…
…an alien, yes?
Yes.
I've been very honest about that. From the beginning.
I come from a planet called Krypton.
-Okay. -Which is gone now, by the way.
Destroyed. Along with all of my history.
My parents.
They sent me here as a baby to save my life.
Here, where?
I'm not gonna say that. You know I'm not gonna say that.
Okay.
What do you know about these biological parents of yours?
Just that they sent me here to serve humanity
and to help the world to be a better place.
-They said that? -They did.
They sent a message along with me.
That message is why I do what I do.
I cherish it more than anything.
Because you understand now,
there are an awful lot of people out there maintaining
you're here for more nefarious purposes.
Hashtag Superspy. Hashtag Supershit.
Supershit!? Come on, Lois!
You know that one specifically irritates me!
This is on the record, Clark!
-[recorder beeps] -I didn't make it up.
It's what people on the Internet are saying.
I'm gonna go.
-Really? -Yeah.
Come on, Clark. Don't do this.
[Clark] I'm not doing anything.
No? No, that's not you, packing up your shit
and walking out of an interview?
I'm not walking out of an interview,
-I'm just... It's late. -No, this is what you do
every time you're faced with conflict.
-I'm not doing anything. -You get mad. You pout.
-Then you pretend… -I'm not mad.
-…like nothing's wrong. -Nothing is wrong.
Look, I gave you a nice, long interview.
Longer than I ever gave myself, by the way.
Oh, you can time your imaginary interviews with yourself?
That's a thing you can do?
You got a lot of good stuff.
Some stuff you can't use.
I am well aware.
I knew this would never work.
What does that mean?
[dishes clattering]
Lois?
-What does that mean? -Nothing, I just…
I told you I wasn't good at relationships.
[water running]
Okay.
[low music plays]
[engines whining, slowing]
The real Antarctica! [gasps]
So cool!
[exhales]
It was right ahead.
But how are we going to gain access?
Oh, ye of little faith.
[rumbling]
Oh, wow!
[energy pulses, hums]
[Eve] Oh, my God!
[rumbling]
[parents' message plays]
Superman, I preemptively put up the soothing...
Oh, my. I do apologize, but this is a restricted area.
Wait. Can we talk...
[nanites clicking]
[whirring]
[groans]
[shouts]
[grunts]
[metallic warble]
[Krypto growling]
[Engineer growls]
[yelps]
[whining]
-[whining continues] -[gasps]
This is what we came for.
Hopefully, there's something on here
we can use to convince the general
Superman requires immediate action.
I can't stand the met a humans, but he's so much worse.
Super… man.
He's not a man. He's an it.
A thing with a cocky grin and a stupid outfit
that's somehow become the focal point
of the entire world's conversation.
Nothing's felt right since he showed up.
I know, Lex.
I've sacrificed my own humanity to help get rid of it.
Can you get in?
-[exhales] -[nanites clicking]
Might take a while.
What if the Kryptonian shows up?
[Luthor] Don't worry.
I'm creating a… distraction.
[sirens in distance]
-[rattling] -[growling]
[growling continues]
[nanites clicking]
-[gasps] -What?
[Engineer] This message…
-[Jor-El speaking Kryptonian] -…from his parents.
It's damaged, but there's more.
-[Jor-El speaking Kryptonian] -It's…
I can recover the rest.
[message repeating]
[rumbling]
[message continues repeating rapidly]
[Kryptonian message continues]
Whoa! Got it!
[man 1] Let it out!
[growling]
It's an awfully small distraction.
It'll get bigger.
[barking]
[rumbling]
[roars]
[screaming]
[Superman] Get! Go!
[barks]
Get! Get outta here!
[whooshing]
[people shout]
[panting]
[ground crackling]
-[roars] -[thud]
[people screaming]
-[squeaks] -[glass cracks]
[straining]
[footsteps thudding]
[reporter 1] The giant animal
was first spotted early this morning
in a Jitters coffee shop about seven feet tall,
but it has apparently been growing.
[screaming]
[people screaming]
[whimpering]
-Everybody okay? -[roaring]
Hey, buddy. Eyes up here.
[roars]
[flames roar]
[whistling]
[roars]
[hyperventilating]
Deep, slow breaths, ma'am. You're gonna be fine.
[cheering]
[power warbles]
[through megaphone] Everybody, clear the area.
[roars]
He's just so cheap, like, so obnoxious.
You know what I mean?
[male reporter chatter on tv]
[Cat] You can afford $1,000 concert tickets…
Finally a bit of good news amid the chaos here this morning.
The Justice Gang has arrived on the scene.
That's Green Lantern, Hawkgirl and Mr. Terrific.
They're funded by the LordTech corporation.
Get him!
[flames roar]
[Superman] Hey!
[straining]
[shrieks]
[roars]
[computer chittering]
[shouting]
[growls]
Heel, boy! [grunts]
[groaning]
[spheres humming]
-What's the skinny? -Its hide is tough,
but, uh, it's off balance.
I've been trying to figure out a way
to get it out of here alive.
Get it someplace where we can study it.
-Oh, come on, man. -What?
Go for its eyes!
[shrieks]
-[shouts] -[creature grumbles]
My knee! Guy, help!
I made giant oven mitts!
Good for you, asshole! I'm getting blinked to death!
[metallic clink]
[roars]
[sound slowed, muffled]
[metallic clinking]
-[smashes] -[shouts]
[grunting]
Come on, be careful!
-[electronic warbling] -[roars]
[thumping]
[crowd] Oh!
Good gosh! There's gotta be a better way to do this.
-[roars] -[heavy footfalls]
[creature groans]
-[beeps] -[explodes]
[creature wails]
[sighs, quietly] Come on.
-[groans] -[screaming]
["Superman main theme" plays]
[news anchor] Authorities are saying there haven't been
any signs yet of loss of life,
thanks to Metropolis hometown hero, Superman,
but the damage to property could be in the millions.
City spokespeople…
How's it going with that guy you were seeing?
You were saying you weren't sure about it?
Yeah. He's…
A little strange.
Ooh! Kaiju steaks all around, huh?
I was hoping we could capture it
and take it to an intergalactic zoo or…
[helicopter whirs]
…at least euthanize it less painfully.
Come on, bro. Don't be such a wuss.
'Ey! Just another day in the life of the Justice Gang!
-[scattered applause] -Not our name.
It's just a working name.
Could very well prove to be permanent though.
-Probably not! -Good chance though, I'm saying.
[laughing] You okay? Everybody okay?
[Green Lantern] Just like to say thank you
on behalf of LordTech Industries for the opportunity...
[smacking gum]
Why is nobody clapping?
[murmuring]
Come here.
This has to be BS.
[scattered chatter]
[host] Well, they couldn't be mistaken?
[Luthor] Oh, no.
Well, that sounds very disturbing, Lex.
Twenty-eight of the world's top linguists
have confirmed the translation
and 30 of the top forensic computer techs
have confirmed the validity of the footage itself.
Any chance they're mistaken?
Unfortunately, no.
-[host] You have the footage? -Yes.
[host] Let's take a look.
[Jor-El speaking Kryptonian]
[male translator] We love you more than heaven, our son.
We love you more than land.
Our beloved home is soon to be gone forever.
[female translator] But hope vitalizes our hearts,
and that hope is you, Kal-El.
We have searched the universe
for a home where you can do the most good.
And live out Krypton's truth.
[male translator] That place is Earth.
I don't get it. What's bad about that?
[Kryptonian continuing, warbles]
[male translator] The people there are simple
and profoundly confused.
Weak of mind and spirit and body.
[Jor-El speaks Kryptonian]
[male translator] Lord over the planet
as the last son of Krypton.
[Lana speaks Kryptonian]
[female translator] Dispatch of anyone
unable or unwilling to serve you, Kal-EI.
Take as many wives as you can,
so your genes and Krypton's might and legacy
will live on in this new frontier.
[Jor-El speaks Kryptonian]
[male translator] Do us proud, our beloved son.
Rule without mercy.
But what about all the kind acts
Superman has performed over the years,
saving countless lives?
No. He's grooming us.
Lulling us into complacency,
so he can dominate without resistance,
forging a path for his
super-powered descendants to rule the Earth.
I will not accept that. Will you?
-You seem upset. -[scoffs] I'm…
I'm scared.
I will admit that, I am scared.
Because who knows how large his secret harem is already?
[breathing heavily]
-[muffled shouting] -[knocking]
[muffled shouts continue]
[door opens]
[woman] Oh, hell no! Let me in! I'm serious!
[warbles]
Dude, you got a secret harem?
No, Guy, of course I don't have a harem.
If any of that message is even remotely true,
then you are exactly the kind of alien threat
I was commandeered by the Green Lantern Corps
to protect this planet against.
-Back off, Guy! -Oh.
-Make a move, Big Blue. -[breathing deeply]
Guy, relax.
Was the message real or not?
[inhales] The first half. The first half is… is real.
The second half was damaged
in the t-trip from Krypton to Earth.
-So it's-it's gotta be doctored. -No way, Clark.
I know these computer forensics guys.
They're not gonna say it's legit unless they are sure.
I'm so sorry, man,
but there's no way that message is fake.
Where'd they get the footage though?
[wind whipping]
Are you considering bringing Superman in for questioning?
We're talking with the President, and we are reviewing our options now.
I'm sorry, but I have to go, Miss Lane.
[Lois] And if you did, when would that...
You buying this?
I don't put anything past Luthor, Rick.
But the message is authentic.
If the Kryptonian is a danger, we have to act.
I was a big Superman fan.
I supported him all the time online and stuff,
but now?
I mean, I hope he rots in hell.
I don't care. You're supposed to get out!
[Perry] Get me some pictures.
[man] We have a deadline!
Where is he? Get there now!
Don't call me Chief.
Okay. I'm gonna do my job.
It's no wonder the Kryptonian
interfered with Boravia's interests.
Boravia wants to save the people of Jarhanpur.
And Superman wants to keep them enslaved!
[chuckles] Also, from what I hear,
he finds Boravian women the most physically attractive
and wants to add them to his secret harem.
-[chuckles] -[press shouting]
I have a question, President Ghurkos.
Thank you.
[in Boravian] That couldn't have gone better, Mr. President!
You were so handsome and dynamic!
Wonderful!
Very handsome! Very handsome!
Go! Leave me be!
[door creaks, closes, locks]
[beeps]
[heavy metal music plays]
[whirring]
We did it, Lex!
I wouldn't celebrate until the alien is off the board.
Oh, here. I brought you a donut. From Dough's Holes.
New shop in Park Ridge, of all places.
The fake message, a stroke of genius.
It's not fake.
He is here to kill us. I knew it!
At Superman's fortress,
I hoped to get the knowledge to help destroy him.
Little did I know, his own parents
would be providing it.
Oh. [speaks Boravian]
Right? Yeah.
Been thinking of opening one in my half of Jarhanpur.
-[servos whirring] -[whoosh]
Four. Four. What happened?
-I tried to protect Superman. -[exhales]
[electrical zapping]
How did Luthor get in here? It's keyed into my DNA.
Must protect Superman.
[panting] Four.
I'm sorry, friend.
[panting]
Krypto?
[whistles]
Krypto!
Well, yeah, that's gonna become...
-Lex, I tried to stop him. -[Luthor] It's fine, Heather.
Superman, we finally meet.
-Would you like a coffee or tea? -Where's the dog?
Dog?
The dog, Luthor! You took the dog!
That's right, Eve, get all of this.
-[Eve shouts] -[grunts]
-Where's the dog? -[Eve gasping]
I have no clue what you're talking about.
[sighs] He's just a dog.
I don't know what dog you're talking about.
[muffled in mug] Ugly dog in a cape?
-What did you say? -Hmm?
[gulps] I didn't say anything.
You heard what he said!
You heard him! He took him!
I mean, it seems to me,
that the only rabid animal around here is Superman.
Ever since the discovery of the Kryptonian's master plan,
he's gone off the deep end. Thoughts, Chris?
Can't say I'm surprised, Cleavis.
It's guys like this, they always got
a whole bunch of dark, ugly secrets.
[Cleavis] What do you mean, "guys like this?"
[Peacemaker] Thinks he's better than everybody else.
Makes this declaration he's against killing people
unless it's absolutely necessary.
[phone dings]
Really, dude?
It kinda sounds like you're trying to make the guys
who are a little more edgier than you look like jerks.
-Know what I mean? -[Cleavis] Mm-hmm.
[Peacemaker] A lot of these guys, these…
Heroes from the magazines,
-they're obsessed with me. -[sighs]
'Cause I'm more jacked than they are.
-They know they don't have... -[tv clicks off]
[gas whooshing]
You have a dog?
No, not really. It's more of a… foster situation.
[Lois] Cocoa.
You were out there helping them?
-[whooshing] -[Hawkgirl shrieks]
Oh, no, that's just, uh...
That's just some dimensional imp.
They've got that handled. I was looking for the dog.
[blows thudding in distance]
You okay?
The footage is not what it looks like, Lois.
Okay.
The ship my parents sent me in was damaged in transit,
so I only ever heard the first part of the message.
And I believed I knew how it ended.
That my parents had sent me here to serve the people of Earth
and to be a good man.
I'm not here to rule over anybody, Lois.
I never thought you were, even for a moment, Clark.
[distant screeching]
[sighs] Oh, that's really good.
[sighs] I'm sorry we fought.
Me too.
But we're bound to, though.
We're so different.
I was just some punk rock kid from Bakerline, and you're…
Superman.
-I'm punk rock. -You are not punk rock.
I like the Strangle-Fellows,
and the P.O.D.s and the Mighty Crabjoys.
Those are pop radio bands. They're not punk rock.
The Mighty Crabjoys suck.
Okay, well, a lot of people love 'em.
My point is, I question everything and everyone.
You trust everyone
and think everyone you've ever met is, like…
Beautiful.
Maybe that's the real punk rock.
[chuckles]
Lois, what did you mean when you said
that you knew this would never work?
I don't know.
I'm gonna go.
The DOJ has a warrant out for my arrest,
so I'm gonna turn myself in.
Wait, what? Why?
Maybe they'll take me wherever they took the dog.
I don't know how else to find him.
It's a dog.
Yeah, and he's not even a very good one, but…
He's out there alone.
And he's probably scared.
-[hand lands] -[exhales]
[warm, light music plays]
I love you, Lois.
I probably should have told you that a long time ago.
[whooshes]
-[police radio chatter] -[thump]
-[thuds] -[grunts]
-Is that necessary? -[restraint zips]
I'm coming in on my own accord.
No one read me my rights.
Courts decided those rights don't apply
to extraterrestrial organisms.
Therefore, at this point, Superman,
you don't have any rights to read.
The government is very well aware
of the potential limitations detaining you,
so we've outsourced your confinement
and your interrogation to PlanetWatch.
PlanetWatch?
[whirring]
I'm sorry about this.
[engine whirring]
["Bring Me Sunshine" by Sophie Madeline playing]
♪ Bring me sunshine Bring me love ♪
♪ Bring me sunshine In your eye ♪
[engine whirs]
♪ Bring me a rainbow From the sky ♪
♪ Life's too short to be spent Having anything but fun ♪
[wind whooshing]
♪ We can be so content If we gather little sunbeams ♪
♪ Be light-hearted ♪
[slams]
♪ All day long ♪
Hey!
♪ Keep me singing Happy songs ♪
[portal whirring]
[slams]
[metallic clattering]
[slams]
[Luthor] Twice in two days. What a pleasure.
Luthor.
Your obsession with me is getting a little creepy.
Don't worry. Tall, dark, and Martian isn't my type.
-Kryptonian. -Eh, same diff.
-[whirring] -[gear clattering]
[Superman] Where are we?
[Luthor] A pocket universe.
I replicated the Big Bang with a LuthorCorp mega-collider,
tearing a tiny hole between the two universal fabrics.
I'm able to access it from multiple dimensional portals
I've set up around the globe.
[whistles]
Rex, the met a human known as the Element Man,
has been called into service for a specific purpose.
He can metamorphose into any known substance.
Even substances foreign to this planet, like…
[cracking]
-[Superman grunts] -…Kryptonite.
[gasping]
[reporter 2] Once again, Vasil Ghurkos is sending troops
to the Jarhanpurian border.
[Jimmy] Superman's been out of commission
less than a day, and already Boravia's pulling this crap?
-Right? -What?
Sorry, I'm trying to figure out
how Lex Luthor's connected to all this.
How's that a mystery?
LuthorCorp sells arms to Boravia, Boravia goes to war,
Luthor sells more arms and gets richer than ever.
-[Lois] Nope. -[Jimmy] No?
Uh-uh.
I have a connection at BodaBank.
Boda handles the transactions between LuthorCorp and Boravia.
Yes, LuthorCorp sold them
approximately 80 billion dollars' worth of arms,
but for those arms,
Boravia paid only 1.625 billion dollars.
So Luthor gave them arms for free? For what?
That's the 78 billion, 375-million-dollar question.
Have you found out where they're holding Superman?
No one in the government'll say.
Luthor seems to be working to disable Superman
just so he can't stop the invasion of Jarhanpur.
Why?
That's way too much sugar, Lois.
I party like a rock star, choir boy.
Still can't hide the taste of petroleum.
God!
[phone dings]
Lex is holding Superman in a pocket universe.
A what?
I don't know what a pocket universe is.
Neither does my source.
They don't know anything about anything, really.
But for sure he's in a pocket universe.
Who's your source?
I can't say, but you owe me.
Big time.
Like…
I can't even tell you how big.
I love you, Jimmy Olsen.
-I love you. -Love you.
[phone dings]
[phone dings repeatedly]
[dinging continues]
-[steam hisses] -[monkey cries]
Just my Monkey-Bots here, farming outrage 24/7.
Trashing you online.
[weakly] Hashtag Supershit.
[shrieks]
[inhales] Krypto.
[Luthor] How do you contain a super dog?
[panting]
[Luthor] You beam super squirrels into its brain.
[panting]
We'll learn what we can.
Then we'll put the varmint down.
It will undoubtedly be painful.
[man] Mr. Luthor, please! I swear…
[Luthor] This is our private correctional institution.
Yeah, most cells are rented out to governments
who want to keep their incarcerations
of political agitators private.
Others are for more personal transgressions.
Fleurette wrote a blog about me.
-[sniffling] -There are few things I hate
more than petty ex-girlfriends.
You wouldn't be telling me any of this if you...
If we ever planned on letting you out? No.
[thud]
[Luthor] You'd be terminated already if it was up to me.
First, the government has some questions they want answered.
[brake squeaks]
[metallic clicking]
-[Luthor] Rex. Look who it is. -[metallic clicking]
[baby whines]
-[metallic clicking] -[door slams]
You be sure to keep our guest in check.
Little Joseph certainly wouldn't want it any other way.
[machine whines]
I'll be back tomorrow to get the answers we need.
[low hum]
[people chattering]
-Hey, handsome. -[men laughing]
-[men chattering, indistinct] -[sirens in distance]
Come on over.
-Hi! -Hey, Eve.
Oh, sorry we had to meet here,
but Lex is always accessing traffic cameras,
so he knows where I am.
I really don't understand why you stay in that relationship.
'Cause he made a point to tell me about all his ex-girlfriends
he had imprisoned in his pocket universe.
-What? -Right?
-How's your mom? -My mom?
Oh, I love her so much.
I think of her as my mom, even more than my own mother.
Oh, she feels the same way,
from the-the one time that you guys met.
-Yeah? -So, hey. Okay.
-Yes. Yes. -Eve?
There seems to be some sort of connection
between Boravia and your boyfriend.
-I'm not clear on what... -Oh.
What's wrong?
-[sighs] -What's "oh"?
I thought you wanted to see me, Jimmy.
I do but, Eve,
how could I even really see you with Lex still in the picture?
You're just trying to get information out of me.
I swear to God, that's not it.
I-I just know that if I could get some real dirt on him,
then maybe the two of us could...
Could be together again?
[whispers] Yeah.
But you said my toes look like
someone spilled shrimp cocktail on the floor.
You have unconventional toes. Who cares?
There's other parts of you that people would
find very attractive.
Lex tortured a dog the other day.
-Jesus Christ! -I know.
-I have to go. -Eve.
Please see what you can find out.
-[both whispering] Okay. -Yes! Yes!
Okay.
I'm-I'm putting 'em in my pocket.
[kisses] Okay.
[cries]
[gasps] Joseph. He's your son?
Don't talk to me.
Please.
[gasps]
I could fly over and get him if you just... [panting]
If you'd stop with the Kryptonite.
There's no way out of here, okay? So, just…
-There's always a way. -I said don't talk to me!
[screams]
I told you.
[flesh sizzling]
Don't talk to me!
[heroic music]
[Guy] Yeah, so what do you want me to do?
Where's the creamer?
[Hawkgirl] On the counter, where it always is.
He's in your group, right? The, um, uh...
-What's it called, again? -The Justice Gang.
-No. -We're not called that.
Yeah, your name is Mr. Terrific.
You don't get a vote with a name like that.
I also voted against it.
Yes. And as leader, I get tiebreaker.
No, Superman is not officially a member.
Because you don't want him to vote.
You know which way that would go.
Shut up. He's kidding.
So, how do you even know Superman anyway?
I… just… do.
So you know about the hypno-glasses?
Now she does.
I'm not saying who he is, just that he wears hypno-glasses.
They make his face…
Terrific, how do they work?
They make his face look different
in your brain when he wears them.
So that you don't know who he is.
Yes, I know this, first of all.
But, second of all, you really shouldn't be telling me this
in case I don't know who he is.
So, you know he's Clark Kent?
Oh, my God. Why does he trust everyone?
He doesn't. Just us because we are also of the cloth.
"Of the cloth?"
-What are we gonna do? -About what?
Superman! He's your friend!
Some friend. Came here to rule over me?
It would be difficult to find him.
I put nanobot GPS trackers into Superman's bloodstream.
You can see where his trail ends
abruptly right here at Fort Kramer,
a dormant military post across the river about ten miles down.
Even if he was dead, those trackers would still be there.
So, all this leads me to believe,
as your article surmised,
he really is in a pocket universe.
[keyboard clacking]
You put nanobot GPS trackers in your friend's bloodstream?
Oh, I do that to everybody.
So, okay. Come on. Let's go to Fort Kramer then.
The four of us, and find out what's going on.
And then do what?
Save him.
You wanna break a federally
incarcerated prisoner out of jail?
Look, I think this is being done
to keep him from interfering with the Boravian invasion.
No, you look. I'm a Green Lantern, lady.
That means I took a vow not to get involved in politics.
Oh, that's part of the vows?
It's implied. Yeah.
An implied vow?
Every time there's something he doesn't want to do,
he says it's part of some vow.
Oh, I swear to God.
I am two seconds away from forming a giant hammer,
and beating you both to death.
Is Supes here to take over the world?
I don't know. Probably not.
But the risk is just not worth the beef
between the US government and the Justice Gang.
Not our name. Makes us sound like cowboys.
But I agree with the rest.
So you're just gonna let your friend rot
in a pocket universe?
[exhales]
[papers rustle]
[exhales]
That haircut should be against your vows.
That what?
That what should be what?
I'll have you know 348 chicks say otherwise.
[alarm chirps]
Hey!
[wind whistling]
What?
I'm not saying we're gonna save him, but…
…I think we can at least check out what's going on
with your boyfriend at this Fort Kramer.
He's not...
We're just seeing each other.
But thanks.
You want me to drive?
We'll take my ride.
[chirps]
[garage door whirs]
[Mr. Terrific clears throat]
You have a flying saucer,
but you couldn't get a faster garage door?
I haven't worked on that yet.
I'm not even sure how I feel. Honestly.
-What? -About Clark.
He's not my boyfriend.
We've actually just been seeing each other…
-Yeah, lady, just to be clear, -…for a couple of months...
I'm not into people's emotions.
Yeah, no, totally.
I'm just thinking out loud.
I was gonna break up with him, actually.
I mean, we had this huge fight,
and he told me he loved me, and it just didn't…
[engine blasts]
-[Luthor] Q&A time, alien. -[banging]
Today we have a special guest.
-[man panting] -I'm familiar with him.
And the smell of his piss as we flew across the desert.
That is a lie!
No, not Vasil. He's just here as an observer.
[gasps] Mali.
Now, the US government has a few questions for you.
Luthor, I barely know him. He gave me food one time.
Who are you working with here on Earth?
[barrel spins]
[Superman] I'm not working with anyone, Luthor.
[Mali] Don't tell him nothing, Superman.
I have no family or nothing.
Luthor, don't do this.
You eating my food was a great honor, Superman.
[empty chamber clicks]
-Ooh. -No.
-Got lucky on that one. -[Superman] No, please.
[laughs]
No, Luthor, don't do this. Please.
Let's try another question, shall we, Superman?
-Luthor, don't do this. -Who raised you as a child?
-I can't. -I believe in you, Superman!
-No! -Don't tell him...
[gunshot]
[body thuds]
[screams]
I didn't imagine that would go so quickly.
[chuckles] I'm sorry, it's…
[laughs]
Mr. Handsome.
I'll be back later with someone else you've chatted with,
and I'll kill them too.
Maybe that reporter you always do interviews with.
Maybe I'll kill Clark Kent next.
[quiet crying]
[crying intensifies]
No, no, no, no.
[ship engine whirring]
["5 Years Time" by Noah and the Whale playing]
♪ …over me and you ♪
♪ And there'll be love In the bodies ♪
♪ Of the elephants too ♪
♪ And I'll put my hands Over your eyes ♪
♪ But you'll peep through ♪
[engine slowing]
[stairs clatter]
♪ And there'll be sun, sun, sun All over our faces ♪
[spheres warble]
[raptor 1] Restricted area, pal!
Get back to your vehicle and get out of here!
[raptor 2] Whoa! What do we got here?
[raptor 3] Hey! You see this guy?
Unbelievable.
-[raptor 1] Hey! -Um…
[raptor 3] You at the wrong address, bro.
That's his path.
DNA trail leads to that tent.
[raptor 4] Keep moving, clown.
Isn't that one of those Justice guys?
It's just the smart one.
Hey! You heard the man.
I am giving you one last chance to stop!
I was just about to say the same to you.
-[music continues] -Fire!
♪ It was fun, fun, fun Oh, it was fun ♪
["5 Years Time" continues]
[raptor 1] Fall back! Fall back!
Get out of the way!
Cover me!
[shouts]
Flank right! [groans]
♪ And she'll say ♪
♪ "Yeah, well, I feel All pretty happy too ♪
♪ And I'm always pretty happy ♪
♪ When I'm just Kicking back with you" ♪
♪ And it'll be love, love, love All through our bodies ♪
♪ And love, love, love ♪
-[raptor] Look out! -♪ All through our minds ♪
[blasting]
♪ Love, love, love All over her face ♪
♪ Love, love, love ♪
♪ All over mine ♪
♪ Although admittedly All these moments ♪
♪ Are just in my head ♪
♪ I'll be thinking about them As I'm lying in bed ♪
♪ And I know that admittedly It might not even come true ♪
♪ But in my mind I'm havin' A pretty good time with you ♪
[panting]
[music continues quietly]
Holy shit.
["5 Years Time" fades out]
Unbelievable.
That jackass did create a pocket universe.
[Lois] And that's… bad?
When creating a pocket universe, if you are just one picometer off,
you will have a black hole where Earth used to be.
And every time you enter or exit,
you risk tearing a hole in the fabric of reality.
You're kidding.
It's the type of reckless science
Lex Luthor specializes in.
What are they doing?
[Mr. Terrific] They're trying to hack it.
So, I guess you decided to help.
Only because it'll piss off Green Lantern.
Thanks. [sighs]
[ragged breath]
[sobbing]
He just killed that poor guy.
[grunting] Mali. His name was Mali.
And I didn't… I... I didn't…
[quietly] I didn't do anything.
You said you can get to my son, right?
[grunting, panting]
[crackling]
[gasps, coughing]
[panting] Ooh.
[grunts, pants, exhales]
Why are you still gross-looking?
[exhales] I don't know.
I thought that…
It must be the sun.
What are you... What sun? There's no sun here.
That's the problem. I need to heal.
[grunts] I get my powers from the yellow sun.
Just… give me a second.
Come on!
[whirring]
Hell, yeah. We're in.
[heavy metallic rattle]
[rattles]
Whoa! An anti proton river.
[rumbling]
-Do we rappel? -Rappel?
Where am I gonna get the gear to rappel
into a pocket universe?
I don't know. Maybe it comes out of your…
Circles or something.
-Circles? -What?
-T-spheres. -Okay.
They're three-dimensional. Circles are flat.
Sorry.
[scoffs] Unbelievable.
This place is filthy with black hole vortexes,
and that anti proton river will tear us apart in seconds.
We cannot go in ourselves.
Copy.
I can't make a sun.
I know.
I can only make something kind of like a sun.
-What? -All right.
Okay.
Okay, we got hydrogen, and deuterium.
And we got helium.
-And compression, obviously. -What are you doing?
Hey! Hey, no, no. Stop!
Enough! You're, you're gonna get all of us in trouble!
Hey, bro, what are you doing? Stop that!
He's doing something in here!
Guards! Guards! He's doing something!
No, you are not going to take credit for this.
I am the one that saw it first.
Oh, take a hike, Barbie!
-I'm getting the credit for it! -Barbie?
These two are gonna get us killed!
Guards! Guards!
-Raptors! Raptors! -In here! Guards! Guards!
I'm seeing something that you'd all wanna see!
[solar flames roar]
[T-spheres warble]
[energy pulsing]
["Superman main theme" plays]
[groans]
Joey!
[coos]
You have to take him.
I can't carry him when I change forms.
[panting]
[boots squealing]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no! Krypto! Krypto!
-Stop! Krypto! Krypto! Stop! -[whimpering]
You're gonna squash the baby. Stop!
What do you see? Did you find him?
Oh, my God! What is that?
Portal's been open too long.
We can't stand here much longer.
Aw, you look like shit.
I'm fine. [panting]
I think we need to get to those portals up there.
Uh, right. How do we…
-[baby coos] -…work them?
[panting] I don't know, but we'll figure it out.
Yeah.
[thud]
[Rex] Joey!
-[grunts] -[baby cries]
-[Superman groans] -[baby whines]
[cries]
Kill him! He's still weak!
[shouts]
[shrieks]
[baby cries]
All right, freak. Nice and slow. Back in the cage.
[bubbling]
What are you gonna do, splash us?
[raptors laugh]
Yes. With fluoroantimonic acid.
[all shouting]
[screaming]
[weapons whirring]
[lasers blasting]
-[rock crumbling] -[Lois grunting]
[panting] Do you have him?
-Hot damn. -[Lois] What?
[Mr. Terrific] It's a flying dog.
-Uh-oh. -What?
[groaning]
Come on, come on!
No, no, no! No!
[laser blasts continue]
[raptor shouts]
[cries]
[Superman] Black hole!
[whistles]
[whines]
Oh, boy!
Krypto! Come here, boy!
I can't get out of this!
Krypto!
It's a black hole! We'll never get out of it!
Pull us out!
Krypto! Come!
-[baby cries, coos] -Stop it! Krypto! Help us out!
Bad boy!
Rex!
Joey!
[men straining]
[whooshing]
["Superman main theme" plays]
[grunts]
-[baby coos] -[sighs]
Man, you are so weird.
[power hums]
-Do you have him? -Them.
Superman, a mean dog in a cape,
a weird baby, and a squiggle man.
What?
-Terrific? -Follow me!
-[T-sphere hums] -[barking]
[Superman] Krypto! No! Leave it!
[crumbling]
[whooshes]
[metallic creaking]
[Lois shouts]
[growling]
Are you kidding me?
-[growls] -Those things aren't cheap!
[barks, growls]
[exhales]
[Rex] Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
-[coos] -Hey, buddy.
-Hey. Hey. -[panting]
-[weakly] You came to get me. -Yeah.
-[Lois panting] -[Superman grunts]
There's more people… being held prisoner in there.
We gotta go get 'em.
-[Lois] Whoa. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not through here, you can't. Not with you like this.
-[Superman panting] -[Mr. Terrific] Clark, what the...
It's Kryptonite poisoning.
He'll heal, but it'll take a day or two.
Get him someplace safe. Take the T-craft.
The controls are easy and intuitive.
I need to stay back here and make sure the portal is secure.
-[thumps] -[quietly] Okay… okay.
-Okay. -[controls beeping]
Okay.
No. Dog? Dog, I really need to...
No. Dog, I really need you to...
Come on. [grunts]
-Okay. Intuitive. -[controls beeping]
Yeah. For sure.
[whirring]
Okay.
That's it.
[panting]
-[engine roars] -Whoa!
[growling]
Pick that up!
[shutter clicking]
Eve! Get out of here, you idiot!
-Go! -[grunts]
[Luthor] Move!
How the hell could he have gotten free? Hmm?
[clatters]
[Luthor] We need to find him.
[phone vibrates]
Eve?
Oh, I'm so done, Jimmy. [crying]
Oh, um…
I have everything you need to ruin Lex forever.
What? Where?
[gasps] Oh, I have it right here.
How dare he throw a pencil at me?
He's gonna regret harming me for the rest of his life.
Such a jerk.
[panting]
But if I send you this, Jimmy…
[exhales] Uh-huh.
You have to promise me we get to hang this weekend.
[sniffles] Just the two of us.
Uh…
-Okay. -Yeah? Okay! Yay!
Uh-huh. How, uh… How long?
-All weekend. -[shouts] All weekend?
[Eve] Oh, my God, Jimmy!
I'm sorry this is such a major imposition on your life!
No, it's not an imposition, I...
I can tell you don't really think so.
-[door slams] -[screams]
-No, no, no, no, no... -Eve?
Come on, Eve.
[whirring]
-[winding down] -[Martha grunts]
I'm... I'm Martha. This is Jon.
-I'm Lois. Hi. -[Martha] Lois.
Here, Son.
Hi, Ma.
Ma, they sent me here to rule over everyone.
They sent me here to kill people.
Clark, that ain't... that ain't…
[panting]
[warm, light music playing]
Is our boy gonna be okay?
Yes. Mr. Terrific says yes.
Don't mind him, Lois.
He's just a big ol' mush.
Especially when it comes to Clark.
[phone vibrates]
[Lois] This girl is obsessed with you?
[Jimmy] Uh-huh.
How do you do it, Jimmy?
Look, I didn't even want to bother you,
but you told me to call with anything I got, so I...
Yeah, but I thought you said she disappeared off the line.
I don't know. She might have dropped her phone in the toilet.
-She does that a lot. -[sighs]
Well, I'm not really sure that sexy selfies are...
Your hot ex is a genius.
-Hot? -We have to talk to Perry.
I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?
[raptor] Sending sexy selfies behind the back of Lex Luthor?
She has to be the biggest idiot in the world.
Lex, he just told you, the portal was destroyed!
The dimensional aperture is still there…
Syd, tell him!
…which we can open remotely, so open it.
It is not… safe!
We can close the aperture later
by inputting the coordinates, correct?
-Theoretically. -Great!
If we can't find him, we'll need to draw him out.
[alarm buzzing]
[typing]
But Lex, that could tear
a dimensional rift into the surrounding area!
This is something you think I don't know?
[rumbling]
-That shouldn't happen. -Oh, you don't say!
-Can you… Can you stop it? -Can I stop it?
[rumbling]
This is why you don't create a damn pocket universe.
[Luthor] There. Superman won't be able to ignore that.
Now we know where he'll be next.
-[birds tweeting] -[rooster crows]
-[tail thumping] -[Krypto sniffing]
[rooster crows]
[mooing]
[sniffing]
[barks playfully]
Thought you was out here. [sighs]
Hey, Pa.
[chuckles] Never seen you sleep that long.
Last week me, Ma, Hector and them,
we took a drive to Beerki's Burritos
down in Luttus.
Like the one that used to be out by that old, uh, blue barn,
out on that I-9, you remember that?
-Mm-hmm. -Burritos still just as good.
That Louanne, she... she seems nice.
-It's Lois. -Hmm?
Her name's Lois.
But yeah, she's… she's nice.
But you don't seem quite yourself.
Yeah, well, that message that my parents sent with me,
I had never heard the second half before.
Well, I'd say what you wanted that message to mean
says a whole lot more about you
than what anyone meant for it to mean.
Pa, you don't understand.
I'm not who I thought I was.
They sent me here to hurt people.
Parents aren't for telling their children
who they're supposed to be.
We are here to give y'all tools,
help you make fools of yourselves
all on your own.
No.
Your choices, Clark.
Your actions.
That's what makes you who you are.
I'll tell you something, son.
I couldn't be…
[sniffs] …more proud of you.
[sniffs]
[screen door creaks]
[Martha] Ol' mush.
Clark, there's something on the box you might wanna see.
[reporter 3] And over in Eastern Europe,
Boravian troops gather at the border,
seemingly mere minutes away
from invading Jarhanpur once again.
[reporter 4] Now, nearby villagers are willing
and ready to defend their country,
despite the exponentially superior firepower
of the well-trained Boravian military.
[people shouting]
["Superman main theme" plays]
[reporter 4] The villagers cling onto
what little hope they have left,
as they're surrounded by the military.
[reporter 3] Boravian president, Vasil Ghurkos, says the invasion
is to protect the Jarhanpurian people
from a tyrannical government.
Superman! Superman!
Superman! Superman! Superman!
[reporter 3] Without Superman here to stop it this time,
the Jarhanpurians don't have much hope.
I cleaned your boots. I'll go get 'em for you.
[T-sphere warbles]
[Mr. Terrific] Superman.
We need you here in Metropolis now.
I have to get to Boravia, Terrific.
There won't be a Boravia, or a Metropolis,
or a Planet Earth, if you don't get here soon.
[rumbling]
This rift is about to tear into the city.
I can't stop it. I need your help.
[woman, through PA] All Metropolis citizens.
-This is a mandatory evacuation. -[helicopter blades whirring]
Repeat: this evacuation is not optional.
This is a mandatory evacuation.
Repeat: this evacuation is not optional.
This is a mandatory evacuation.
[horns honking]
[Steve] Yeah, I'm sure she's scared, but find her.
Yeah, we're all equally scared.
Come on, just put her on.
Please, Juanita, can you put Persephone on the phone?
Yes, she will care! Cats know the sound of your voice!
So, I was able to connect with our contact at BodaBank.
Luthor's been selling arms to Ghurkos
for pennies on the dollar for years.
-Why, you ask? -I do ask why.
He did it in exchange for half of Jarhanpur.
You're kidding.
At first, I thought Eve was just sending me selfies.
But in the background of the shots
are maps, contracts,
all kinds of documents chronicling Boravia's agreement
to cede half of the country to Lex Luthor
once the invasion is complete.
He wants to make himself king.
-King? -King.
Should we really still be standing here?
Lois, you got that flying saucer deal up on the roof?
-Yup. -Grant. Troupe.
-Come on. -[Lois] Grab the board, Jimmy.
-How many does it hold? -Five, or six. Six.
-Okay. Lombard, you too. -[gasps] Oh, thank you.
Why the hell would Lex want half a desert?
His cultish acolytes believe he's gonna create
a technologically advanced utopia.
Utopia?
There's a profit factor as well.
I mean, the petroleum deposits alone
are worth multiples of his investment.
[Jimmy] Whatever his motives are,
we know Luthor did everything he could
to ruin Superman's reputation.
[Lois] Eve's photos show
he was behind the whole Hammer of Boravia scam.
[Jimmy] And all the bots stirring up
anti-Superman sentiment online.
[Lois] Mr. Terrific believes Luthor is also behind
the spreading rift between universes out there.
All of it seems to be geared toward stopping Superman
from standing in the way of the Boravian invasion, Chief.
Call me Perry, kid. Post the story. Fast.
[ship whirs]
-Buckle up, kids. -Why don't I have a seat?
-Jimmy, will you transcribe? -Uh-huh.
-[boom] -[Steve shouts]
[thud]
[cement, bricks rattle]
[Steve] Oh, God!
[all shouting]
[engine whirs]
[Lois] The Daily Planet has obtained exclusive information
proving that billionaire Lex Luthor is in league
with Boravian dictator, Vasil Ghurkos.
[rumbling]
Clark, are you close?
It's about to hit Metropolis,
and my codes are not shutting it down.
Shit!
[rumbling continues]
[buildings crashing]
Uh-oh.
[screams]
Lex! The rift is almost here!
[Luthor] So slow it down.
[man 2] I can't unless I can put the code in to stop it.
Hold on a minute then.
-We gotta go, man! -Otis!
[squeaks]
[rumbling]
-[thud] -[screaming]
[metallic rumbling]
Not sure where we're gonna land when the world is gone.
[horns honking]
[rumbling]
[screaming]
[tires screeching]
[rumbling]
[engine sputtering]
[glass tinkles]
["Superman main theme" plays]
[rumbling]
There's a code to close the rift,
but it's too complicated to hack.
Luthor will have the code at LuthorCorp.
Just give me a minute. I'll get Krypto, and we'll go...
You brought that dog, man?
Yeah, I didn't... didn't want him killing my parents' cows.
[sighs]
[clanks]
[Bravo] Go on wide.
[Larry] Wrong. Focus on The Engineer.
-I'm on the alien, Larry. -7R.
[shouts]
[metal clinks]
[saw whooshes]
-[laser blasts] -[screams]
[screams]
It's not too late for either of you.
[Luthor] 5A!
You don't have to do what Luthor...
[yelps]
[zaps]
-[thuds] -[grunts]
[whirs]
-[Luthor, through comm] 2X! -[grunts]
[Luthor] Now, Angela, as planned,
fill his lungs and kill the son of a bitch.
[nanites chitter]
-[nanites clinking rapidly] -[gagging]
-[metallic scraping] -[grunts]
Can't he hold his breath for over an hour?
Not without air in his lungs.
He'll be dead in minutes.
[woman 1] The nanites are suppressing his optic nerve.
Sight and X-ray vision should be completely muted.
Lungs breached.
-[beeps] -Da?
[speaks Boravian]
[in Boravian] We will not sleep
until the street is flooded
with the blood of every Jarhanpurian!
[nanites clinking]
[shouting]
-[whooshing] -[whooshes]
[metallic scraping]
What's his game?
Using friction to get the nanites off?
Doesn't matter if he gets them off his face.
The nanites are still in his lungs.
Engineer, Ultraman, keep up.
[gasps] We're trying.
[wind whipping]
-Maintain iOS. -Yes. No shit, Larry.
Hurry.
[growls]
[wind whistling]
He'll suffocate any minute.
Engineer, envelop him completely.
[shouts]
[nanites chittering]
[low warbling]
[whistling]
Wait! Wait, wait! What is he doing?
[Engineer shrieks]
I won't be able to sustain the impact at this speed.
[shrieks]
No, Angela, unsheathe! He's the only one protected!
[shrieks]
[heavy thuds]
[sighs]
Entering the hole. Infrared, please?
[computer chirping]
Switch to night vision.
[computer chirping]
Whoa.
[gagging]
[groaning, gagging]
[coughing, retches]
Her heart's still beating, but she's unconscious.
Call in the Raptors.
[panting]
[thud echoes]
[Superman grunts]
[both panting]
[panting]
[sighs] What the hell?
That's right. Cloning you was relatively simple.
All it took was combing the aftermath of your battles…
[through comm] …until I located a strand of your hair.
That's how you got into the Fortress. [gasps]
You had my DNA.
Yes, but as is often the case with cloning,
the match was imperfect.
He might be even stupider than you. If that's possible.
But easier to control.
-3L. -[Luthor] And stronger.
22K!
[blows landing]
[Luthor] 31D!
2A!
5B! 5B!
6K! 9A!
-[techs laughing] -My brain will always win!
Brain beats brawn!
[people screaming]
[explosions bang]
[man groans]
[screaming]
[thud]
[rumbling]
-[grunts] -[screams]
[groans]
[quietly] Superman. Superman.
Superman. Superman.
No matter what you do to me, Luthor,
your plans in Boravia won't work.
Oh, really? Why's that?
'Cause I called in some friends.
[Boravian tech] Mr. Luthor?
There is an anomaly at the border.
[deep warble]
Sorry, kid.
Superman couldn't make it.
So you got an upgrade.
[upbeat rock plays]
[wind whistles]
[rumbling]
[Hawkgirl shrieks]
[men shout]
[in Boravian] Our forces aren't prepared to deal with met a human anomalies.
I've sent the word to retreat.
Retreat?!
No! No! No!
We must get to the bunker!
The bunker!
[shouts]
-[shouts] -[shrieks]
-[gunfire] -[mace crashes]
[shrieks]
[shouts]
[in English] I know you won't kill me.
You are too delicate and weak, like Superman. [chuckles]
[scoffs] I'm not like Superman.
[shouts]
-[ship hums] -[panting]
-It's perfect. Post it, kid. -[Jimmy] On it.
I think you overestimate the importance
of Jarhanpur to me, Superman.
That was just a bonus.
I'm not killing you
so the Boravian military conflict can proceed.
I created the Boravian military conflict
so I'd have an excuse to kill you!
Once you involved yourself,
I knew I could easily get
our government's support in nullifying you.
Why?
Because you're destroying us!
10Y. 13B.
[glass shatters]
-[screaming] -[thud]
[screaming]
You're driven by envy, Luthor.
-You couldn't be more obvious. -No shit. I'm not dim.
I'm aware envy consumes my every waking moment.
13L.
[shouts]
I know when they mention Galileo or Einstein
or one of these other twits in the same breath as me,
I feel a tide of vomit burn the back of my throat.
But at least Galileo did something.
He wasn't some dopey Venusian catapulted onto this planet,
just to have the world fawn over him,
because his strength illuminates how weak we all really are.
[gasps, grunts]
So, my envy is a calling.
It is the sole hope for humanity,
because it is what has driven me to annihilating you.
1A!
-1A! 1A! -[blows landing]
-1A! 1A! 1A! 1A! -[blows landing]
Yes.
[rumbling]
[chuckles]
Oh, what are you smirking at, you idiot?
[sighs] Brain beats brawn. [exhales]
Sorry, chum.
[whistles]
[sustained whistle]
[whistle continues]
No, no, no! No!
You watch him through those? Tell him what to do?
Krypto.
Get the toy.
[whines]
Uh, thir-thirty-s... Oh, the stupid dog!
-[Luthor] Uh… -Charlie down!
[whoosh, thud]
[metal clattering]
[zapping]
-[stammers] 12C! Aah! -Delta down.
36B...
-No. -[Larry] Hotel down!
[beeps]
[groans]
-[Luthor] No! -Bravo down.
-Bravo down! -I just said that, Larry!
[groaning]
[groans]
["Superman main theme" plays]
-[indistinct] -[stammers, shouts]
Alpha down!
Lex.
The Raptors have arrived.
[jet packs whir]
-Kill him! -Good luck with that.
[teeth clinking]
[rumbling]
[lasers pulsing]
[all groaning]
[thud]
[roaring]
[grunts]
[clatters]
[straining]
-[bone snaps] -[screams]
-[screaming] -[rumbling]
-[bone snaps] -[sighs]
[Mr. Terrific] Hey!
This ain't playtime! Quit messin' around!
We have to get to Luthor to stop the rift.
[weakly] I'm not messing around.
I'm doing important stuff.
It's gonna reach Bakerline any minute.
There are people there.
[rumbling]
[people murmuring]
-We have to go. -We'll never make it in time.
-It's almost here. -We have to try. Come on.
-[inhales] -[man 2] Lex!
I'm closing the freakin' rift.
No! They chose him! Let them die!
-We'll close it from the bunker -What?
…before it gets to a city I care about.
[sighs]
Open the portal!
[zaps]
[panting]
Wrap it up. Let's go.
Safety first, people.
[Luthor grunts]
[man 2] Hey. Hey. The code to close the rift is in here.
-I can help. -I don't need your help.
I'm goddamn Mr. Terrific.
You piece of shit alien!
That is where you've always been wrong about me, Lex.
I'm as human as anyone.
I love, I… I get scared.
I wake up every morning, and despite not knowing what to do,
I put one foot in front of the other,
and I try to make the best choices I can.
I screw up all the time.
But that is being human.
And that's my greatest strength.
[sighs] And someday I hope, for the sake of the world,
you understand that it's yours too.
Oh, that's beautiful.
But none of this matters, you patronizing clown.
The government gave me the authority to kill you.
If not today, then tomor...
-[barks] -Ahh!
[employees scream]
-[shouting] -[growling]
No, no, no!
Oh, my... Stop. Krypto, put him down.
-[shouting] -[screaming]
[Superman] Krypto, drop him!
Krypto, drop him! Drop him!
-[thud] -[people gasp]
[panting]
[sighs] Dude.
[keyboard clacking]
[computer chirping]
-[drive clicks] -Got it.
[clicks, whirs]
[deep warbling]
Yes!
[laughing]
-[indistinct] -[Cat squeals]
Mmm. [groans]
-Lex. -What?
Well, this just in. An absolute bombshell
from the Daily Planet.
Billionaire Lex Luthor aligning himself
with a foreign entity, believe it or not.
Luthor has been giving them
billions and billions of dollars' worth of free weapons...
Lex Luthor has been working covertly with Vasil Ghurkos
and the Boravian government
to overthrow the country of Jarhanpur.
Luthor has been giving them billions…
We've had Luthor on this show many times.
Little did we know, he was a traitor.
[TV anchors overlapping]
Seems like the one thing
conservatives and liberals can finally agree on
is that Lex Luthor sucks.
[anchor] The whole world has turned against Superman,
and we all owe him an enormous apology.
He is, of course, the hero we always thought he was.
[news anchors' voices overlapping]
[cheering]
[woman] Thank you! Thank you!
[cackles]
That was sick.
Guy, maybe he should join the group.
[scoffs] Please.
I mean, no offense, but that creepy mug is what you want
representing the Justice Gang? [scoffs]
Justice Gang?
That's a cool name.
You're in.
[sighs]
Come on!
[muffled reporter, indistinct]
[secretary] Glad you're not concerned
about the met a humans, Rick.
'Cause now they're the ones making the rules.
[light guitar music]
Everyone file. This way, please.
[man] Easy!
-Fleurette! -Mom!
[chattering]
Oh!
[monkeys chittering]
Get his bald ass to Belle Reve.
[slams]
[taps on car]
[engine rumbles]
[grunts]
-[chittering] -[barks]
[ship whirring]
[people chattering]
[Eve squealing]
-Oh! -[grunts]
Now we can be together forever.
[sirens in distance]
Miss Lane.
[exhales] Oh, hi.
I thought I might give you an interview.
I could fill you in on all of the behind-the-scenes.
Sure.
I think that would be…
Great.
Um…
How about over here?
For an interview.
[warm, triumphant music plays]
Hey.
I love you, too.
[both chuckle]
How long have they been hooking up?
About three months, I think.
Got this place cleaned up pretty good.
Cleaned yourself up pretty good, too.
-You think so? -Yeah.
Think it gives you character.
Maybe one day you'll give me a name.
Well. Four's a name.
So is Gary.
[crystal shatters]
-[items clatter] -[woman] Aw, shoot.
Sir, I think your cousin has returned.
[footsteps]
-Yup. -What the hell, dude?
Why did you move the door?
-I didn't move the door. -Where is my dog?
[grunts, whines]
-[zooms] -[barks]
[giggles]
Okay, well, this is why he has behavioral issues.
No boundaries.
-[giggling] -[smashing]
-It's not healthy, is it? -Mm-mmm.
[upbeat music plays]
Come on.
Thanks for watching him, bitch.
She likes to go and party on other planets.
-Planets with red suns. -Oh.
Because of our metabolism,
we can't get drunk on a planet with a yellow sun.
If I had any emotional capacity whatsoever,
I'd be concerned about her partying.
Yeah.
Superman, would you like to see the footage of your parents?
-He finds it soothing. -Oh!
Yeah, Gary, that'd be nice.
["Punkrocker Feat. Iggy Pop" by Teddybears playing]
♪ I'm driving to my star ♪
[Jon] Everything you see,
you're seeing for the first time.
♪ I'm listening to the music With no fear ♪
[Martha] All of this is for you.
♪ You can hear it too If you're sincere ♪
Clark.
♪ 'Cause I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ Well, I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
You did it!
♪ 'Cause I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ Well, I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ I see you stagger In the street ♪
♪ And you can't stay On your feet ♪
♪ And you're faking In your sleep ♪
♪ You wish that you were deep ♪
♪ But you can't hear me Laughing to myself ♪
♪ If you could You would be someone else ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ Well, I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ Well, I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ See me die on Bleecker Street ♪
♪ I'm bored with being God ♪
♪ See me steering in my car ♪
♪ I'm driving to my star ♪
♪ I'm listening to the music With no fear ♪
♪ You can hear it too If you're sincere ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
♪ Well, I'm a punk rocker Yes, I am ♪
[music stops]
One, two, three, four!
[rock music plays]
♪ We're on a planet of our own That we made from the bones ♪
♪ Of the ones that we KO'd ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ Gonna dig an early grave For the daughters ♪
♪ And deprave them With those depressing days ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ Ain't gonna take this Ain't gonna take this ♪
♪ I am a hellion The new rebellion ♪
♪ Say our name, boy Just say our name, boy ♪
♪ It's the Mighty Crabjoys ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ I know you said This wouldn't last ♪
♪ That's a voice That's from your past ♪
♪ I don't listen to those rats ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ My mother says That I'm a fool ♪
♪ Dad says Obey the rules ♪
♪ They can't see This stunning jewel ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ Not gonna take this ♪
♪ We will not take this ♪
♪ We are the hellions The new rebellions ♪
♪ It was your world, boy Now it's our world, boy ♪
♪ We are the Mighty Crabjoys ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ We are the Mighty Crabjoys ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ We are the Mighty Crabjoys ♪
♪ Oi oi oi ♪
♪ We are the Mighty ♪
Whoo!
♪ Crabjoys ♪
Hmm.
What?
Yeah?
It's just… a little off.
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to take it apart and put it back together?
No, no, no, no. I was just…
You just what?
Hey, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bum you out.
[rubble rattles]
I shouldn't have brought it up.
Darn it, I can be such a jerk sometimes.